Sunday 3 February 2013

'The Psychopath Test', car crash TV and the Great British Bake Off?

So, did you do it? Did you hold your breath, fill out the form and click send? What do you mean, you don't know what I'm talking about. The Great British Bake Off 4 of course. Did you apply?




Reader, I was seized by a sort of madness on the last day for applications, and yes, I did. I filled out the form as wittily as possible, attached various photos from this blog in an attempt to demonstrate my baking *ahem* prowess, and clicked send. I sort of felt that I ought to put my money where my mouth was. Not my fault if I didn't fit the demographic the producers are looking for: I expect there were more than enough white married mothers who applied to tick that particular box, although I'll admit to playing the disability card by mentioning the fact that my dog only has 3 legs.

I spent the whole of Friday terrified that the phone would ring, then on Saturday I hotfooted up to Town for the second annual meeting of the Non-Bookclub Bookclub (you can read what happened at the first meeting, this time last year, here what happened at the  second meeting involved coffee, culture and cocktails, and that's all I'm saying for now, except that I really love my friends. I really love them). The instructions/application said that if we hadn't heard by 2 February, we weren't in. I checked my email and my messages. Nada. Rien. Not  a sausage. Reader, my soggy bottom will not be gracing your TV screen this summer. Phew!

But niggling away at the back of my mind through all this was a worry about what was driving me to enter. I really do have no wish to be humiliated (even if it is by the doyen of British Baking and the Silver Fox) on national TV, to have my fairly average baking skills shot down in flames politely derided. What on earth drove me to put that application in?? Given that I can often be found ranting (given half the chance and a couple of glasses of wine) about the evils of car crash TV, would I not be betraying myself, albeit in a very middle class and acceptable way, by taking part?

I recently read a very interesting book by the journalist Jon Ronson called The Psychopath Test. It's not as heavy as it sounds, but it deals with a fairly heavy issue, that of the classification of psychopaths. 


I had a residual interest in this anyway. Many years ago as a trainee lawyer, I did some work in connection with Mental Health Review Tribunals. I was involved with those tribunals of psychopaths incarcerated in high security hospitals Broadmoor, Rampton), who argued that as they were effectively 'untreatable' they should be in prison, not hospital. It's easier to get released from prison than hospital, and when someone has raped and murdered without turning a hair, you can imagine that there's a certain interest in these particular hearings. I can't say any more or I'd have to kill you, but I should say that all this was a good 15 years ago, and the law will have moved on. Hopefully, the psychopaths won't.

The reason I mention this, though, is that there is a chapter in the Ronson book about how bookers for those day time TV shows  where people go on and 'air their family differences' work. Essentially, the bookers ring potential participants up relatively frequently, whipping them up into a sort of frenzy before the programme. They also (this is quoted in the book) ask if the people concerned are on medication. Anything that would suggest a bi-polar disorder - lithium for example, is a no no - "too mad", but people taking mildish anti-depressants are in. They are just mad enough. Does that not make you feel even a little uneasy?  And why do people apply to go on these shows (by the way, I include Big Brother in this and the audition rounds of X Factor and Britains Got Talent - total car crash humiliation TV)? For fame? For notoriety? For someone to hear them? To be trashed and humiliated on national TV in the pursuit of their 15 minutes? For (that most dreadful of words) 'Celebrity'? 

Were my motives any different in applying for the GBBO? I would have been terrible - but it would all have been done rather nicely and with a wry smile. And imagine the fodder for this blog. May be I'd be asked to open the school fete as our own local GBBO contestant. The mind boggles as the world of G list celebrity beckoned briefly...

I know that we all love to slate those 'my sister is sleeping with my husband's crack dealer' type of TV shows. I genuinely do not watch them - and am even more convinced of that having read Ronson's book, but - strike me down - is GBBO not just the same thing, albeit dressed up as a fancy middle class Village Show baking class? If I got through (some hope) would I actually be trashing all my principles for the sake of my own 5 minutes of fame (I would never have lasted longer than the first round, believe me!) and some extra baking burns to add to my collection?

I watched most of the GBBO series 3 (btw I think the wrong person won) and enjoyed it, but I got the same niggling feelings, as Messrs Berry & Hollywood grimaced and eyebrow-raised their way through it, as I do whenever I catch bits of those other shows I mentioned in rare channel surfing moments. I love Mel and Sue, but it all felt like a bit of a parody, a bit set up, in the same way that those conversations between the judges on Masterchef feel all staged - Greg says one thing, John contradicts, Greg changes his mind (unless it's about pudding) and John gets his way. It's true. I've studied it. In some ways, it might even be worse, because most of the Bake Off contestants seemed to be me to be pretty good bakers, yet the way it was presented, well, I cringed. People putting their heart and soul into something to have it trashed for a soggy bottom. I felt a bit bad that I was contributing to the success of the programme by watching. On the other hand, it can't be worse than putting people the producers KNOW are on medication up in front of a TV audience and getting them to scrap it out? As far as I'm concerned, willing participant or not, that is exploitation, and I'd be hard pushed to use that word about GBBO, but is that because I probably fall slap, bang into the GBBO target audience?

It's true that nowhere on the GBBO application form was there any requirement to enter any medication I was taking - just spaces to include any family baking stories. Maybe, though, my tale of being a conspirator in the great icing sugar cover up says as much about me as any medication I might be taking (actually, none). So there we go. Am I too sane to be on the GBBO? I'm not going to analyse the contestants on last year's GBBO (the first series I watched). I was more interested in the cakes to pay them too much attention. I did notice that  they all had vulnerabilities that the programme tried to highlight and play on, but they all seemed pretty sane to me, even the scary one who made the blackbird pie thing. Maybe, then, it is different, and may be it is OK that I applied. May be if I had been accepted, I could have entered with a clear conscience. The  (soggy?) bottom line is that, had I got through, I (speaking personally) would have been there to entertain the nation with my baking inadequacies, and may be, really, that is just a little bit 'car crash' ?. 

On the other hand, though, following twitter through the heats, it wasn't just the disasters that made everyone tweet, but the wonderful stuff too. And I totally loved James for pulling things back from the brink - that 'deserted barn' - awesome!. So rather than it just being about the bad stuff, it does genuinely celebrate the good. And I'll accept that once it gets to the final rounds of X Factor and Britain's Got Talent etc, it's the same. Gone is the sniping and bitching, and there is is, great singing and real talent (OK may be not dancing dogs), celebrated as it should be, and we're rooting for the finalists all the way

Does this just sound like sour grapes (it's not, it really isn't - I reiterate that I would have been TERRIBLE on it)? I'm sure I will watch series 4, and enjoy it. I wish all those that got through the best of luck - and remember, I'm rooting for you all, and I promise not to laugh at any soggy bottoms. But I expect that when I'm watching I'll be secretly glad that I didn't get selected, so I don't have to ask myself these questions...

34 comments:

  1. Bloody excellent post and mostly my feelings towards Food TV shows too. I have had the most terrible experience with a food TV program where I was totally humiliated but I knew it was coming I just pretended it would be different for me. I also applied for the second series of GBBO and got through to the audition rounds but made it no further... was fun though. Xx

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    1. Dom - thank you - sorry you had that experience: it's dreadful really isn't it - but we all love to watch... I think GBBO would be fun, but I am glad I didn't make it!

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    2. But Dom you won the show you took part in? What's to be humiliated about?

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  2. I think we all watch these things and think that if we took part, we could do better - there'd be no soggy bottoms, no carefully choreographed dropping things on the floor, no icing that refuses to set. We all want to show the world that we are calm, confident and capable. We go in for programmes like this, or quiz shows (of which I have more personal experience - the nearest I've been to cooking on TV was failing the audition of the former, Lloyd grossman incarnation of Masterchef) because we think we can do better. But we watch them out of some sort of horrible fascination, to see competent, capable people making a mess of things and then to celebrate the success of the really talented ones. It's really no different from "I'm strictly a celebrity's big brother on ice" except that there's food involved..... and anywhere there's food, I won't be far away.

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    1. Isn't that the truth though - it's food so we all think it's OK...

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  3. Great post. I have been told a few times to apply for these shows. Gbbo. Come dine with me etc. But for fear of sounding self important. I dont really like the idea of being a support act for celebrities or be paraded in front of millions whilst ruining a flan. Who knows maybe my opinion would change if i got invited on to tv for something.

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    1. That's the thing, isn't it - do our egos get in the way of common sense?

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  4. You note there was no question on the form about medication but you can bet your bottom dollar there would be later on. In addition to the tight contract to stop you pulling out later on, talking about anything during filming and ensnaring you to work for free for 12 months should you win.

    I just can't wait for TV trends to move away from all this reality rubbish, the competition aspect ruins what would otherwise be an interesting show. 10 years ago everything was DIY make overs, then we've had loads of shows about property and trash in the attic. Currently it's food that's fashionable. They wrecked Come Dine With Me when they moved it to evening format - it used to be a nice show about a group of people who made friends with each other and got on. It was more about the cooking and the participants actually discussed food, cooking techniques etc. Now it's just one nutter pitched against another, the vegan vs the carnivore, the offal phobe gets force fed tripe just because it's "entertaining". Even Big Brother was initially very friendly for the first 2 series.

    I lost all respect for the Bake Off when the chap who dropped his cake on the floor still went through and another contestant who'd made a rather provincial but entirely satisfying cake was dropped in the first episode. Of course the model good looks of the cake dropper vs the tattooed and face pierced alternative had ZERO to do with it. Not.

    For a frank and honest insight into what it's like to take part check out @dannythebaker 's blog post last autumn. To be honest, after what she wrote I think the days of anyone sane being admitted to take part are well over.

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    1. yes, I did wonder about the cake dropping incident - when my Husband dropped my daughter's birthday cake one year, II banned him from the kitchen for months - and I'll go and read Danny's post. I really agree with you that this 'competition' aspect is about posturing and money and plays on our fascination with disaster and bad things happening to other people and not really about the baking.

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  5. I've read the Ronson book - I was amazed that they asked the 'what meds are you on?" question to ascertain if people were the suitable kind of mad for TV!

    I would NEVER apply to be on these tv shows. My friends and family like my baking and that's enough for me. I feel no need to seek affirmation from a professional, when often it's just personal opinion trumped up as 'fact'.

    I feel that the parapet is something my head should be permanently below!

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    1. :-) you see - I wish - genuinely - that I could say that I had been above applying - but I wasn't. I haven't applied to be on anything else, and having done it once (with such inauspicious results i.e. total and utter silence) I am fairly sure I will stick to my principles from now on and not apply again. Your cakes are totally wonderful anyway (not that I've tasted them but I can pretty much smell and taste them through my laptop...)

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  6. You are so brave! How disappointing you didn't get on :(
    Did you know they are having a Great British Sew Off this year too? Mr Myrtle threatened to apply for me - but I can't stand making curtains....

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    1. You are kind to say so, but I think mad (although not mad enough, perhaps) describes it better than brave. Curtains are my staple - your stuff is so much more beautiful, you'd be wasted on them!

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  7. Excellent post. Have to say I agree with you when it comes to reality TV shows. I make a point of avoiding these type of programmes although I do have a weakness for GBBO and Master Chef.

    After the last series of GBBO ended both my boyfriend and Mum said I should apply for the next series. I didn't mainly because I don't have time this year, I have a massive thesis to write! But also because I realised that it's not the sort of thing I want to do. I don't really feel the need to having my baking judged by 'the experts' as I know from the feedback I get from family and friends and my own tastebuds that I'm a pretty good baker. Yes the presentation might not always be perfect and I would probably lose points for it, but I'm happy with the things I bake. I also read Danny's blog post after the series ended and it helped to reconfirm what I already knew, that I didn't really want to put myself through all of that stress just for 5 minutes on the telly.

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    1. I'm not really sure why I did apply, because like you, I get enough positive feedback from the people who eat what I bake to know that it's pretty good. I am rubbish with presentation though - and those cakes with shapes in them when you cut through and stuff - way beyond me. I think it would have been a really interesting experience, but as you say, very stressful - and if I had a thesis to write, i certainly wouldn't have been contemplating it - Good luck with that!

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  8. I guess it depends what you want and how much you are prepared to put up with to get it - oh yes, typical psychopath behaviour! Ruth Clemens seems to have made a nice career for herself, and would Holly Bell have got a job on local radio without GBBO? Jo Wheatly also seems genuine and quite sane, but inevitably as these programmes progress they change as do the people who apply. I won't be applying, I simply don't have the time or energy to go through all that, but I'd rather watch Bake Off than Eastenders, so bring on Bedlam ;-)

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    1. :-) - you're right, of course and I am NOT saying that the people who eventually get on the programme (especially not GBBO) are necessarily psychopathic at all (not even a little bit), but it's 'of that type' of programme, and there's certainly an element of exploitation which is what makes me uncomfortable. But as you say. I too would rather with GBBO than 'Enders, which I have a total horror of, and I'm sure I will watch the next series.

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  9. First thing, amazing post. Secondly, don't regret applying. With these kinds of things people often think what they hope to get out of it (professional critique, publicity for their blog etc - none of which are bad things) will outweigh the humiliation and lack of fairness. I had a friend who went on masterchef who said it was clear from the word go he "ticked the right boxes". He was one of the youngest to go on, and even more vulnerable as he was on certain meds (unsurprisingly). He wasn't treated the same as other contestants and as a result ended up as the car crash for that particular show and left the same episode. Despite this he was offered work exp as they genuinely thought he had what it takes to be a chef. Because he wasn't going to entertaining long term on the show he was forced out!

    Sounds like you may have had a lucky escape, but to me these programmes are like bad relationships. You always think you can make them change. Sometimes people succeed! So maybe sane people should keep applying :)

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    1. Interesting to hear about your friend's experience. I had a friend who got to the 'quarter final' of one of those SAS are You Tough Enough programmes, and she said the same - in the end there was always the feeling that it was the people who would make the best TV whop kept getting through. She got to the quarters - but actually was probably too calm and together to get through to the semis - not enough drama...

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  10. I have to confess to being a total wimp about such shows. I always root for the underdog in any competition and I hate anything cringe-making. I don't even watch them.

    Perhaps I'm not mad enough - or maybe too mad!

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    1. I think that's the question we all need to ask ourselves, Pat! Thanks for commenting!

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  11. Ah RJ, I agree, I don't get my entertainment by watching other people's dreams and confidence being shot down in flames. I think it's an appalling reflection of our nation that this has become prime time fodder. I dip in and out of GBBO but once you start really looking you do see how contrived it ALL is. I have the Jon Ronson book on the pile.. Sorry, that you were disappointed though. x

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    1. Funnily enough, I'm really not disappointed - I had no interest or intention of applying and literally just saw a thing on the last day and did it in a moment of folly... It's a great book. really really interesting read.

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    2. That's good then. I would just hate to be under that much scrutiny! Plus, I can't make pastry - or rather I wouldn't want anyone to see me making pastry. It's not pretty. Will read the book next. Loved The Men Who Stare at Goats x

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  12. Great post! GBBO is the one reality show I do watch, simply for the baking itself. You would have walked it!! A x

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  13. Hi there. I just found this blog after searching 'GBBO' on twitter (in desperation to see if they really have finished selections and I could be expecting a call any time now!) and it's great.
    I applied for series 3 & 4 of the bake off (first year, a telephone interview which I nailed, this year, not a whiff) and found myself being wholeheartedly devastated not to have gotten further. I couldn't understand why (it's the only area of my life where I won't be modest) but your post, many of the replies and Dannys blog post have made me feel much better about not getting through.
    If I'm as good as I like to think I am, then surely I can make it without a television programme that will surely crush my spirit and not end up the way I wish, after all, who wants to see a not very attractive fatty baking cakes...

    Thank you, Georgia

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    1. Hey Georgia - you're in good company, not getting through - I wouldn't be too down hearted. As you say, if you know you can bake, you should be confident in that. I think what Danny says in her post is esepcially telling. Keep baking xx

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  14. I don't think you should be disappointed in the slightest about not getting on it. Of all the reality shows, GBBO seems to be the gentlest, but I still think the results are contrived to an extent. As with most things, them's that really want it (I imagine 'it' is different things to different people) will always be more likely to succeed. And to want 'it' so much is a scary thing! I love baking and cooking in general, but not so much that I want to be humiliated on national tele! You strike me as a very level headed and sane cove RJ, and your food, like your writing, is a delight. By the by, a chap who came to our bake club is in the running for GBBO. He seemed lovely and not mad in the slightest - suspect he wants a career in baking like the guy who won it last year. Finally, I didn't realise that Fred has 3 legs. I love him even more now!

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    1. :-) thank you Barnes! I hope your CCC member stays sane through it all - wish him all the best. And yes, Fred has 3 legs. He broke one of his back legs when he was a pup (fell off a quarry edge chasing pheasants) and it wouldn't heal. You wouldn't be able to tell much watching him streaking across a field in hot pursuit of game, it's one less leg to clean mud off and he can't jump up - so don't feel too sorry for him!

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  15. Great read R, and interesting comments - obviously something that stirs up a lot of strong feeling. My mediocre baking skills mean there's no 'could I should I' dilemma for me! so never something I'd spend time pondering. There's little doubt reality type shows can be uncomfortable to watch, but everyone pretty much knows the score now don't they? - it is all about the drama, certainly at the start. But the GBBO format also gives the show broader appeal and draws in people who wouldn't normally give cooking programmes the time of day. A good thing I think.
    I can understand why you say you feel a little relieved not to have been selected, but I can also understand why you applied in the first place, because I know you'd have been under no illusions, and it would have been an amazing challenge. Fascinating too. Maybe because of my background I wonder mad things like how many cameras they use, and if they'd make you take something out of the oven again to get a shot.. There'd be so much more going on besides the baking.

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    1. :-) I think I would have found it fascinating too, but I would probably have got far to het up about it all in the end. I'm not sure these programmes really do get people cooking though. I think alot of the competition format makes people feel that it's only for the skilled to attempt - for fear of ridicule, and of being compared with what's being produced on TV - I don't know. It's like all this celeb chef stuff - I don't know how much it actually makes people who haven't cooked in the past actually pick up a pan and cook...

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  16. It's sad that ever since I started food blogging, I can't stand to watch any food shows. The hosts are unbearable and obnoxious.

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    1. Hi! GBBo doesn't quite hit 'unbearable and obnoxious' but I certainly think these shows trade on the 'sensationalist' elements rather than concentrating on the baking

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  17. I feel compelled to comment on this year-old post because I too applied for GBBO and (obviously) didn't get on. I made it to the first audition, showed off my bakes and had a filmed interview but it didn't go any further. I don't regret applying and I don't feel at all bitter for not getting on the show. Because when it comes down to it it is a SHOW and the people who are chosen to go on it tick certain boxes (demographics, skills, interesting background story etc etc). When thousands of people apply of course the majority of them don't get on the show even if, in some cases, they might be more deserving that those on it.
    I didn't apply to GBBO for 15 minutes of fame or because I have a burning desire to be on TV (far from it) but because I love baking and part of the reason I am so immersed in it is due to the show.
    I am baking along to the latest series and had found it rather boring and dull until the sensational bingate episode. That episode was definitely contrived and the challenge designed to bring out drama and tension. But this is TV and I expect nothing less.
    I think GBBO has unquestionably inspired more people to bake - just look at the thousands of bake clubs, blogs, sales of bakeware etc.etc.

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